Self-Conscious

I can’t find my breath

Until I do and then it is so shallow

I can’t find my voice

Until I do and then no one can hear me

I can’t find my words

Until I do and then they are all jumbled


I don’t even know if they are my words

They may be what you want me to say?

I just want you to like me


I can’t find my reflection

Until I do and then I turn away

I can’t find my worth

Until I do and then you go away

I can’t find my feelings

Until I do and then they go away


I can’t find myself

It was scared out of me in the middle of the night

It was spun out of me in the chaos of loss

It was stripped away from as I tried to fit in


Until I do in the middle of my life

When she comes knocking at my door on a cold winter day

I hear her gentle voice and her words

I see her vibrant tomboy self clutching her Curious George

I feel her fear and loneliness

I feel her breath grow deep in her belly as she holds me tight

I feel her losing her self

I catch her and we begin again

The song is The Best Imitation of Myself by Ben Folds