Between using the leaf blower and changing light bulbs, I definitely prefer the leaf blower. I feel like a character from the new Ghostbusters with my new yard tool by my side as I blow away the rainbow colored confetti that was supposed to be thrown on New Years. Or maybe those are really bits and pieces of leaves I am blowing off my screened-in porch where I find myself writing so much since last spring?

On my screened-in porch in the middle of a very hot Nashville summer, it has been hard to pull myself away. When the heat is too much, I turn on the fans and eventually; I move inside but often; the need to interrupt is outweighed by the need to keep writing. Sweat and to-do's such as changing lightbulbs do not motivate me to leave my words. I feel like my words have abandonment issues so maybe that is why I prefer to stay.

I am not sure I noticed until now the crazy variety of light bulbs out there. Jay was always the one in charge of keeping our house well lit. I still do not exactly know what kind of lightbulbs to buy. I just bought some last week and took a guess that the shape looked right and we prefer cool lighting to warm whatever that means. And I have heard LED's are worth the extra money.

I know a couple lights are out but I am not even sure which ones. I know that I find my light on my screened-in porch even when I have written into the night and the only light is coming from my screen. I worry more about my computer battery going out and have often found myself racing against a 1% battery to finish what I have been trying to say. I will post on my blog before I have really spent time checking for typos and then knowing it is out there, I frantically go over and over for a while editing until it feels complete.

It's as if I am in a race with grief and we are running neck to neck and in a mad dash, the words sprint ahead and with every blog; I cross the finish line the winner until the next heat begins. I have yet to find a steady pace but I am becoming confident I will as I see time and time again that my light can outrun darkness. I think this explains why I am not so concerned with changing lightbulbs?

The world is full of all shades of light and dark in all colors created for us to see and there would be no day without night and no rainbows without the sun and rain meeting for a brief moment in time. I think about that often on my screened-in porch as I write our story into words. From Romeo and Juliet to West Side Story to many others, lovers throughout literature have shown that forces beyond our control that bring tradegy often go hand and hand with great love stories, and like the world, these stories hold both light and dark. Will I change the light bulbs soon? I will (if bought the right ones). Do I know the story I am writing is a love story. I do.

July 17, 1999: Jessica Anna Abram do you take Jay Brian Rosenblum to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part? I do.

Being a Nashville girl who married a Nashville boy, I thought it was time for some Willie Nelson. The song is The Party's Over.