I was beginning to think I should tell Junebug to stop fishing in the sewer. I did not want to embarrass her for being hopeful that one day she might catch that Betty Crocker Oven she always wanted or a rainbow dolphin but as summer is ending, I am tired. Hope can be exhausting in this heat. The good news is Junebug was tired too so she figured it out on her own.
With my daughter being a teenager and having a very busy summer, my son and I have had a lot of time together and he is definitely my partner in crime in searching for hope. We bought a puppy on Father's Day. We bought a very cool blue new home phone from Target. We headed to Walgreens at 10PM one night to buy a set of Axe body wash, deodorant and shampoo. We have been looking for the brand of hope that makes it all better and the shelves are stocked.
I did not have the heart to tell my son you can't find hope in a bottle of Axe body wash even if you buy the shampoo and deodorant with a matching scent. I know he will learn quickly. We already have learned that puppies are tiring. And soon we will realize that we rarely use the new blue home phone.
Hope like this is fleeting. It's like chasing a cloud or a puppy who is running from you before he pees on your carpet or telling yourself you will change tomorrow or believing you can change someone else. Or realizing that even though you put deodorant on in the morning, you stink by the end of the day. It's like fishing in the sewer, Junebug.
It's not that hope is melting away completely in the hot summer heat for me. It's just that how I think about it is changing. If you think of a coin that Junebug might find by the sewer where she fishes, there are two sides to that coin and hope is not on both. It's a toss up what might be on the other side.
Junebug this summer picked up the worn coin with hints of shine that once were, and learned as she tossed the coin walking the alleyway behind her house on Fairfax and the streets nearby, hope did not have to win every time for her to be OK. Actually she was less anxious trying to beat the odds over and over in favor of hope.
Sometimes the coin landed on hope and sometimes on sadness and sometimes on anger. After awhile, she was surprised to see it would also land on peace and happiness and once she began to trust the odds were in her favor, Junebug decided that it was probably time to at least put the fishing stick down when she could and pick up the coin where she might find real lasting hope.
West Coast below by one of Jay's favorites, Coconut Records. Good summer music. Photo is me and my partner in crime.