I miss the way Jay would make our bed. His dad taught him how to do it with military corners when he was young and he was definitely a pro. I usually knew better not to attempt to make it because he would always come in after me and re-do it perfectly. He would even end the day by neatly placing a heavy blanket on me before he got in bed.

Now that he is gone I find myself feeling frustrated making the bed and it does not help that our new puppy has peed on it twice. The extra practice, Benji, is not helping so please stop! No matter how hard I try I can't make a bed like he did. I can't come close to making life the way it was in so many ways.

While I see the life we had all around us in friends, I am not ever sure which direction the bottom sheet should fit on the bed. I see the life we had all around us in family but I can't seem to tuck the sheets in the exact way Jay did. From the home we lived in with the life we built all around us, I pull up the blankets over the sheets and there are bumps in the blankets where it used to be smooth.

Sometimes I used to get mad at Jay because he would make the bed so quickly. "Babe, I was going to get back in bed," I would complain. "Do you really need to make the bed every day?" I would ask. Eventually I made him agree to not make the bed on the weekends. He had a hard time with that so we settled on just not making it on Sundays. I missed it when he stopped but I was too stubborn to tell him. Now I would tell him I would be so happy if he would make the bed seven days a week.

For me, if I ever make a bed like he did, I am not sure I would ever sleep in it again, I would be so proud. I would also be tired because doing so would require mountains of effort. Effort is hard to come by right now and when I find it, it seems to be interrupted often with watching puppies play, being a mom, writing and waking up slowly to a new life with a messier bed.

Jack White Poor Boy and Simon and Jay snuggled up having tacos in Nashville.