Pandora Radio knows how indecisive I am. Over the past months, I find myself jumping quickly from song to song hitting the next button every few seconds. I don't even bother with the thumbs up or thumbs down because I feel resentful that in this stage of of the relationship, we are still playing this get to know you game. I can't commit and I know it is not healthy for either one of us. It goes kind of like this for me and Pandora.
Like a small boat on a ocean, sending big waves (Rachel Platten) > NEXT
Friday night I am going nowhere (David Grey) > NEXT
I just got this feeling inside my bones, It goes electric wavey (Justin Timberlake) > NEXT
A year from now we'll all be gone, All our friends will move away (Head and the Heart) > NEXT
I wish we could turn back time, to the good old days (21 Pilots) > NEXT
Dear Pandora, the truth is you are my rebound. I really miss Jay's cool music taste. Love, Me
My fickle relationship with Pandora seems to be a good analogy for my head right now that jumps all over the place and can't seem to focus for long unless I am writing. And without Jay, my playlist or my to-do list is a little lacking.
Life seems to be one way or the other in this in-between place. What seemed like a good idea five minutes ago, seems likes a horrible idea now. "I feel OK" is hit by a wave that I did not see coming. A sad Facebook post needs to be followed by a happy Facebook post.
"How are you doing?" is answered usually with "ups and downs."
I am spilt between wanting to be more honest and feeling afraid I have said too much.
At 2PM going out with friends sounds fun but thank goodness someone told me a few months ago that game time decisions are always acceptable so by 6PM, I sometimes change my mind.
I don't want to talk about it or I do want to talk about it and usually I prefer just to write about it.
I say "I've got this" and I have no idea what I am doing or where I am going.
A good morning turns into a hard afternoon.
I go to bed exhausted but lie in bed wide awake.
I like being around people but I need more time alone.
I write often and share it but I am hesitant to call myself a writer although I think that is what writers do?
Maybe all the blame is not Pandora's. Maybe it is just me trying to find my station but I am distracted by the static.
I think I am going to break up with Pandora and give Spotify a try.
This song is dedicated to Pandora. I know Jay would call it "bubble gum pop crap" but I like it because everybody needs a Fight Song.