Jay and I loved how free the 4th of July felt. By free I mean in the sense that it is a holiday in the heat of the summer far away and free from the obligations of the rest of the year. While the Nashville heat might feel oppressive, there is freedom in this time when you vaguely know who is around and expectations and routine all melt away for a moment.
This freedom felt good because Jay and I would usually focus on what we should do versus what we wanted to do. We craved belonging and because of that, it was always easier for us to say "yes" than "no". In the world we live in today, there is way too much to say "yes" to and sometimes Jay and I got lost from ourselves in the busyness of it all. We often needed much more time to just be than our fear of not belonging allowed.
When Jay and I went through times that were financially hard, we looked at making some decisions that would have changed our life. Sometimes I thought relief could be found in a less complicated life with a 9-5 and making decisions based on steady numbers. Jay and I were dreamers and people-pleasers and truthfully, our living big with lots of people, ideas and stuff felt comforting. But when i think about the other option I mentioned of a less complicated life, it feels cozy.
I am trying to find more cozy than comfort in my life right now. Comfortable to me is the temperature you keep the house or the thread count of your sheets. Cozy is about snuggling in bed on a rainy day or sitting down to write what has been in your head for so long. Cozy is me and the kids watching our new very soft puppy playing with our dog while we learn how to navigate this life without Jay in a way that feels good for us.
Song is "American Tune" by Simon & Garfinkel. Photo is from 4th of July 2015.